Part 2 of

By Anthony C. Adamopoulos, Divorce Mediator, Collaborative Divorce Attorney, Divorce Arbitrator.


Previously, I suggested the most important objective in the divorce process is to determine, going forward, how to handle the three major issues in divorce – the kids, the support and the division of property.

First, you and your spouse must determine the best Option (also called Approach) to use for getting answers to the three major issues.

There are three options – Litigation, Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. Let’s discuss Litigation first.

Litigation is probably the most expensive, the most time consuming and the most emotionally depleting of the three Options.

In litigation, issues relating to the children, support and the division of property are decided by a judge. You and your spouse will be able to “make arguments” for how an issue should be resolved, but, the final decision is up to the judge. This is the only Option in which a third-party stranger decides the major issues.

The circumstances of your marriage may require litigation. Straightforwardly, if:

  • You absolutely cannot talk with your spouse, at all, about anything; or
  • You do not trust your spouse to be honest in any divorce matter, for example their total income; or
  • You and/or your children will not be safe, going forward, without Court imposed protections; or
  • Your spouse refuses to use any other option.

Then, you have to use Litigation.

Litigation is not the place to try to punish you spouse, a judge seldom “punishes”.  Nor is it the place to try and “tell the world” how terrible your spouse was, in most cases the judge will not let you.

If Litigation has to be your road to divorce, you need to retain a well-respected, experienced and or dedicated divorce litigation attorney with whom you will be comfortable.

Obviously, there are many articles, and of course Google, to help you select a good litigation lawyer. By all means use these sources, if they will help.

My experience has told me this:

  • You must feel comfortable with the attorney and their staff.
  • Your attorney must be respectful and positive of everyone- you, your spouse, your spouse’s attorney, the judge and court staff. Contrary to urban legend, a “shark” or one “who goes for the jugular”, etc., will not help your cause in the divorce court.
  • Your attorney must be respected by others: for being respectful, for knowing the law of divorce, for being able to communicate.
  • Ask for recommendations from, and listen carefully to, people who are or have been in the divorce process. Do the things they say their attorney did sound wise to you?
  • Ask for recommendations only from people you respect.
  • There are some very good and less expensive divorce attorneys who are young, but compensate for their lack of experience with knowledge, humility and dedication.

The attorney you select will, after you, probably have the most influence on how you get through the process, choose carefully.

Helpful site:

© Anthony C. Adamopoulos, 2023


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